Biscuit (Noun) : A person who is willfully ignorant and almost certainly incompetent

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News Both Fake (mostly) and Real

Another week is in the books. I’m proud to announce the newest addition to the Surrounded By Biscuits world – the unity meter! Each week we’ll give an update in this column on how well the Biden Unity Plan is coming together and how soon we’ll all be singing a “I’d like to buy the world a coke” while standing in line on a hot day to vote.

April 17th, 2021: Meter reading is 0. Well, maybe next week will be better.

A collection of headlin-, er, clickbait I found amusing this week included these gems:

Notice how NBC so casually throws out the word “some.” Oh my God, they found FOUR whole SECRET groups! And they “describe themselves” as current or special forces. Based on the tagline here alone you know they didn’t bother to find out whether they were or not. The media continues to try and convince you that there is no bigger problem than white supremacy in this country when the truth of the matter is they are themselves the biggest problem in the country.

Because China has so much credibility. Let me answer the question for you. We don’t owe jack shit. Next.

And only people who read content from Refinery29 would know.


Pretty sure Sean Hannity could give a fuck what the twitter woke mob says. They likely didn’t mention the part where the “child” had and pointed a gun at officers. If you don’t want to be treated like an adult, don’t run around with a gun in your hand. Nice parenting. The video is online, google it.

I actually clicked on this one, it was just too much not to. It gave one example, with no attempt whatsoever to rebut the claim, where a highway supposedly was routed through and destroyed a “thriving African American community” in the 1960’s. Let’s just cancel highways that won’t hurt anything, right?

We once again turn to our friends at Merriam Webster. Opinion (noun): a view, judgment, or appraisal formed in the mind about a particular matter. Let me use it in a sentence for you: Some knucklehead on Yahoo Sports knows that Brett Favre is rich, white and supported Donald Trump so I must rip his opinion even though everyone is allowed to have one. Please shut the fuck up.

If there is one economist out there who thinks that would actually happen they are a moron. I hate to rain on the parade of bullshit yet again, but the corporate tax in America is a pittance of total federal revenues. In 2019 it was only 6.6% (about 230 billion). Raising it even 25% barely makes a dent in anything, and would be less money than the Democrats gave California in the last stimulus bill to fix their state budget and pension problems. Just take that shit and fuck off with it. “Historic economic progress.” Whatever.

This article actually claimed that it is, on average, almost five degrees hotter in black neighborhoods than white neighborhoods.

Why? Oh yah because you keep trying to pass unconstitutional laws that keep getting shot down by the SEPARATE BRANCH OF GOVERNMENT which means it needs to be SEPARATE from your meddling bullshit.

I’m sure Trump would have kicked the toy farther away and then forced the girl to watch him eat extra ice cream without offering her any and not letting her have his diet coke either. I mean we all know that this new super nice morally superior President is way better with kids than the last big meanie.

The best part of this article was the fact that it was only supposed to be $82. That’s quite a fat finger someone pulled there.

This article was about a ten year old who wanted to switch genders. Ten. TEN. Stop the nonsense.

2 thoughts on “News Both Fake (mostly) and Real”

  1. Thomas “Pops” Petty

    I sensed a bit of anger. I’m right there with you. I see so much hate & vitriol spewed towards Conservatives, for being Conservatives! The difference between Liberals & Conservatives is this, Conservatives are capable of living with those of a differing opinion because we believe in & fully support the Bill of Rights. Liberals are NIT able to be around Conservatives because our logic exposes the absurdity of the beliefs they hold. This is why they want to get rid of us.

    I doubt the “Unity Meter” will budge towards the positive anytime soon.

  2. On the Unity Meter – it may well tick up, but trust me, the Harmony Meter will stay pegged at zero. No question about it.

    Tie a dog and a cat together by their tails and throw them over a clothesline and you’ll have unity…but harmony – fuggedaboutit.

    Consequently, we may not be singing “I’d like to buy the world a coke”, ever again. Never actually. The new refrain, if ever, may be, “I’d like to buy the world a woke”. Compliments of Woke-a-Cola.

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